i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
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