wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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