i would punch a child for taco bell
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Randomize
