Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
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