Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
