i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize