Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
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