I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
