Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
