These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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