If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
