foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
So many bounce houses so little time
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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