look no pants
In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
My liver is preforming stress tests.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
