You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
somebody snuck up and got me drunk
I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
Randomize
