i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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