then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
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