no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Randomize
