remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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