I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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