Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
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