What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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