I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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