he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
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