Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Randomize
