If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
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