I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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