yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
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