Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
