Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
