I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I wear drunk well.
Randomize
