She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Randomize
