the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Two words: blizzard sex
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
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