i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
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