I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
He had one of those small greek statue penises
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
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