it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
