12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Randomize
