My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Randomize
