After last night, I could never be a politician.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
