just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Randomize
