i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
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