which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
Randomize
