So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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