I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
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