So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
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