I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Randomize
