you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
i think i just lost a toe
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Randomize
