can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
