i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
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