I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
