I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
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