The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
This house was built for laser tag.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Randomize
