guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
handjob tips. give me some.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
I am midnight drunk by noon
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Randomize
