I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
