He managed to light the Jello on fire...
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
