That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Houston, we have a squirter
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
You made out with two different species that night
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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