I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
