I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
