I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Randomize
