They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
We're not piercing ourselves today.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Randomize
