I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Randomize
