quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
