if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Randomize
