I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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