i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
