So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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