Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
So squirting runs in the family.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
