Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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