just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
