All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
