SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
