i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
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